A Little Pictorial

You might remember what my trash can looked like.....



But this is what the average college student's trash can looks like...


3 40s and a case of beers = twisteddddd

Sorry the pictures are sideways, I give up. Peace

The Big Bang

So yesterday when I blogged, I blogged too soon. Not more than an hour after I posted did roommate man walk back into the dorm. I'm looking at him right now, he's sleeping, and it's almost 1 P.M. Has he gone to class today? No. Has he gone to class before today? No, because he was home. Will he go to class tomorrow, if only to say that he went to school "this week"? No, I'll put money on that. Because Fridays are holy and must be observed by sleeping until the dining hall closes for lunch, leaving the blinds closed as to say "fuck you sun" for the majority of the day and then reveling in gallons of orange/cream soda. I hate this kid.

But to get to the true point of my post, last night everything changed. He came back, we silently said hello to each other and went about our business. You can call me a creep for this but sometimes I just like looking over and seeing what he's googling and doing on the internet. Usually he's downloading anime movies or learning useless facts that he can spout off at people in order to increase his asshole quotient. Last night I glanced over and notice in the search box it said "Knitting patterns". I'm thinking what the hell, is this guy into some really weird pornographic subgenre I haven't heard of yet or is he trying to make like granny right now. I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and just go back to what I was doing. Which was ignoring him. Then I leave for a min to play guitar hero and I walk back in my room and it's like all the forces in the universe had just collided. There he was. Under the covers, watching star trek, guzzling cola, and knitting. Knitting. You still with me? Knitting a fucking scarf. This was just on a whole other level, I didn't even know how to comprehend it, this kid is truly the anomaly of anomalies. One of the better parts of the night was when the ups man came knocking. Mind you, this is one of the burliest, hard ass motherfuckers to ever work for UPS. Chuck norris has nothing on this guy. He's got a fatty moustache, dark eyes with red hair, beef brisket arms that tear the seams of his short sleeved shirt and shorts even when it's storming outside. This guy even scares me. He comes to deliver a package and goes by our room and shithead gets it because I'm in the hallway and the UPS man just goes "Not shy about knitting are ya?" and I think roomie said something slick, or maybe nothing at all because his tongue has finally degenerated into a 3rd useless tonsil due to the fact that he has no intelligent thoughts that he needs to convey to any one else. Then I went to sleep and he just kept watching star trek. I guess all that klingon wore him out because he just approached the 12 hour mark on his sleep cycle. Does anybody know how much sleep is to much? Not that I'm worried or that I'm going to help him, just for my own knowledge....

-Peace

Edit: He is approaching 2 o clock ladies and gentlemen. This has to be some sort of record! I don't even sleep this late ever, even if I'm quaffing 40s for hours the night before.

It's been a while....

If my calendar is correct it's been like a week and a half since I last updated this thing. Last week had 2 midterms, a quiz, an interview and a whole bunch of other shit then top that off with 3 days of debauchery....yeah, not much time for the blog-o-sphere. There's my intro.

We had a 3 day weekend for president's day (what up ben-jammin) and my roommate decided to go home on Sunday afternoon ... and he hasn't returned yet. He told me he would be back on tuesday but that came and went and now I'm just living it up and going to sleep whenever I want and walking around naked and blasting music and dancing in front of the mirror. No homo. Only thing is, he left his computer here and his TV, so I figure he'll be coming back eventually which saddens me a great deal. Although I'm sure he's at home building a new computer as we speak because the graphics card he is running right now came out in november and that's soooo far behind. When you play RPGs you need to have the graphics running on max, because when you do that it's almost like you're actually in the game. And when you have no life outside the one you built online, I can see why you'd need the graphics card boost.

My roommate next year (Austin - MY BOY) was bugging roomie for the past 2 weeks about switching rooms with him. See Austin rooms with an uber douchebag much like myself (we have a lot in common) except his roommate is never around because he's so cool that he'd rather drink 40s and do coke and then pass out in his boyfriends bed on campus. I feel bad for Austin because given that this guy pisses him off so much that he wants to leave even though he's never around means he has to be an super shithead. I wouldn't know though, I've never talked to him. He was only around one night long enough to throw up on the carpet in the hall and then pass out in his bed. He had to leave his mark or something, unfortunately for us his mark left a stench that lasted a week and had to be cleaned up by the cleaning staff with wood chips, detergent and possible radiation (I'm not 100% on the last one). Back to the point of all this, Austin nudgingly asked my roommate if he was interested in switching because I don't talk to the kid, austin doesn't talk to his roommate and austin and I are living together next year so why the hell not. Well, even though austin told him he'd help him move all his stuff (TV, Computer, sheep skin blanket, cream soda etc) roomie still shut him down. He told the RA like "If austin doesn't want to live with him, why would I?" Which makes sense, but I also think it's out of spite and because we both live with assholes. Ah hell, I guess it's better this way anyways. If he did move out I'd have to delete this blog....and then I'd actually have to go do my math homework. Vector spaces anyone?

-Peace

Disgusting, in more ways than one

Whats up fam. I don't even know where to begin. I'm sitting here at my desk and it's now 12:22 P.M. I've been up since 8:30 and have gone to two classes with another still pending. Shithead sitting next to me is still in bed and has been since late last night. I shut the lights off at my own accord around 1 A.M. while he continued to play video games on the computer. I think the programmers created these games to be anticlimactic and extremely lengthy. It's called an RPG, or a Role Playing Game. It's kind of sad when you don't even have a life to live though, and the only one you live is on the screen. It's all this point and click shit with animated characters and spells and all that jazz. It's really annoying though when he has to buy 10,000 dollars in virtual money of some invisibility potion or whatever and he just has to sit there clicking and clicking incessantly. At least he finally turned the sound off. The character battles were just killing me. He would fight like 3 people at the same time so it would play the same noise, over and over, times 3. And then those sounds would overlap and I would want to shoot myself. And then that Rihanna song came on his iTunes and I went into the bathroom and tried to drown myself in the toilet bowl. Unfortunately they're trying to conserve water around here so they have low flush toilets installed and I couldn't submerge my face all the way. Needless to say, it didn't work.

Then I found something that made me want to throw up. Even more than the last post about the donut holes, the cinnamon gummi bears, the monster energy drinks and the kit kats. This is on another level, this was done intentionally to gross me out. On sunday night I return to my room around 10:30 PM and find monkey brains lying down on his bed vegging out with this Dominoes sunday special. Oh, what is the sunday special you ask? Well, it's not technically on the menu, and I think my roommate used the little brain power he posses to create it all on his own. Perhaps that's because no one in their right mind would compile such a repulsive, unpalatable, and vomitous list of pizza toppings. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you...the most disgusting thing I've even seen...



And with that, I'm going to attempt to stomach dinner because I'm at a loss for words. Peace.

Oh yeah, it's super Tuesday. Get out there and change the world. Thanks.

Can't say I didn't do my part

Edit: As of 9 o clock tonight roomie is officially passed out with the sink light on. I guess all that right wing elitist banter he was spewing out to any one who felt like entering my room just tired him out. Tired him so much that he couldn't even make it 100 feet to our designated polling place to support someone on the republican ticket. Oh wait, he said he doesn't even care who wins, as long as someone running for the Republican party is in the final race. That's who he is voting for, no ifs ands or buts. I would reiterate the didactic repartee that occurred in my room earlier, but I zoned out and stopped listening because his entire life means nothing to me and therefore the things that come out of his mouth mean even less. Goodnight to all.

Double Re(mix):edit: It's a quarter to midnight, poohead is woke up at some point and is now watching jackass. He got a pizza from woodstocks and finished it off with this...

A personal pan cinnapizza

I've had a slice or two before and it's good, but only in moderation. Unfortunately, I don't think that word is in dudes vocabulary. He has to have a death wish I swear. It just doesn't make sense any other way. Okay I'm done with the edits and stuff. I need to get something done.

The super bowl hasn't even started yet and I hate it already. Who's idea was it to have a montage of a bunch of football players, television personalities, firefighters and policeman reciting the declaration of independence? Emmitt Smith? Ladanian Tomlinson? Is this what happens when you lose in the playoffs? I just want to watch football, save all this bullshit for the political debates.

New and Improved: With Pictures

What up fam. I don't know where I'm going with this one, I just know I have some stores to tell and some pictures to post. Last week was a standard 5 day week but it felt like it dragged on forever. So then the weekend came and I had a few natural lights and kicked it and slept late and all that good stuff. I went out last night with Gordon and these two girls, but we lost him real early in the night. I'm talking like 5 minutes after we entered the party. The girls felt bad and wanted to find him, but they just don't understand the inner workings of mantank, I was happy he left us. Just to be sure though, I called him up and in his slurred vernacular he told me "I'm going back to ft with this chick...I'm bout to fuuuck". I felt bad for the poor girl who had fallen at the hands of Gordo's huge rack and his baby gap tee. But then again, who wouldn't wanna bone this dude?





The second picture is one of those pictures you save and show your grand kids and tell em how you lived in the same house with that dude. He was so excited about the 90 dollars worth of alcohol he bought that he asked me if I would take a picture of him with it. When I told him it was hard to frame the shot, he just went into a pushup position without me even asking. Yeah, that's the dude you wanna bone on a friday night.

I told you that my roommate began his job as a CSO. Of course I did, I was so excited that was going to be out of the room for more then 30 seconds at a time. The first night was sweet because he just left at 10 pm and didn't come back until 3 am. I was almost starting to like CSOs, but not really at all. Then the next night He neglected to tell me that he in fact when ON duty at 3 am. So his alarm went off at 2:30 and I'm all whacked out because I don't know if I have class in 20 minutes because the blinds are always closed anyways so you can't ever tell when time it is and then I look up and he's like saying bye to his online buddies and my head is about to explode because I don't know why anyone would be depriving themselves of sleep just to play an RPG. Last night I talk to him, but that was just because I was leaned off a few drinks and I didn't care, and I wanted some entenmanns donut holes that he bought. Don't think I'm depriving him of nutrition, believe me, he had plenty to eat...



I'm not hungover or anything, but looking at that picturre makes me want to yack, right now. That's two boxes of entenmann's donut holes, a monster (plus a few more cans on his desk), a big bag of cinnamon gummibears and 2 big packages of kit kats, like so big I don't know where he got these joints. The monster thing is quite weird to me but I suppose I don't need to even point out the blatant irony that comes with a recluse, computer game playing, lying under the covers tv watcher who downs monsters right before he brushes his teeth. I'll leave the witty satire to you guys. Now, me and my roomie may have differing opinions about what exactly qualifies as a fun Friday night; but I woke up this morning and found this....



DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNNNN. I thought waking up to a room full of empty beer cans and condom wrappers was crazy but fuck, when this guy gets down he GETS THE FUCK DOWN, word to james brown rip. It's like he's just eating all this stuff and telling all those morbidly obese people who can't get out of their beds, "Hey, I have a high metabolism so fuck you! I'm gonna eat my self in an extremely high bloodsugar induced coma because the weight certainly isn't getting packed on!!!" I suppose you need 192 grams of fat and almost 2 days worth of calories in the form of butter and sugar to give you the energy needed for a 5 hour long night of work. A night which consists of walking drunk people home and listening to them blab, then patrolling a few residence halls and telling people to keep it down, and then of course getting angry when you see an illegally parked bike and realize all you can really do is put a sticky note that says you bike is illegally parked. Because afterall, how are you going to impound a bike when the only way you can get around is to bike yourself? This guys middle name should be irony. And my middle name should be hungry, because that's what I am. Hope you enjoyed our time together, catch you later. Peace

Sorry folks, no pictures

So, I'm studying for my chemistry midterm tomorrow and I thought I'd take a break from reading between the chapter on enthalpy and the chapter on entropy. Now that I'm here I have to come up with something to write but of course that's not a problem when you live with my roommate, it's like he comes up with the stuff for me to write! He should be somebody's muse, he'd be a hell of a lot more productive than he is now. I know what you're thinking, this guy has given you stuff to write about for 3 months now, why don't you just keep him? Ummm, I have 16 more weeks with the kids, I think that would qualify as him overstaying his welcome in my life. Thank you very much.

So he started his CSO job last night. The one I described as being paid to be a douchebag. It's almost as legit as being a mall security cop, except those guys carry guns, or atleast things that look like guns. Oh, they have badges too, I never bothered to go up close and see what they say, but they have badges on. If a CSO sees some illegal activity, then he'll call back up in the form of IV Foot Patrol, the troopers who walk up and and down DP and hassle you if you look like you've had too much to drink or if you're carrying an inconspicuous water bottle etc etc. Then, if IVFP catches you doing something illegal, then they have to call Santa Barabara police because they actually have cars and work out of something a little more substantial than a room of cubicles conveniently located next to freebirds. So long story short, if you ever get stopped by CSOs for being drunk, don't fret because you'll probably spend more time on the curb than in the drunk tank. After all, calling back up who has to call back up takes time. So basically, CSOs are on the very bottom of the food chain, only one rung above your little brother who walks around with the plastic handcuffs you got him for christmas and wants to play cops and robbers.

Sorry about the long winded explanation. It really sounds like the perfect job for him, plus I even get something out of it. Last night was his first shift and he was gone from 10 P.M. till 3 A.M.. No mother....I didn't do what you think I did! I went to sleep at 10 o clock because catching up on sleep over the weekends is just something that doesn't happen around here. I ended up waking up a few times during the night which never happens to me, I think it was because it was so quiet. I could hear myself sleeping, and that was just too much. I woke up at 1 AM, and then sometime after 2, and every time I would look across the room to see an open bed. I thought maybe he wasn't coming back, but that was just wishful thinking because this bitch came home round 3 o clock with his SICK ASS 150 DOLLAR COSTCO BIKE BRO. I was thinking about asking him how the job was, until I realized that I thoroughly don't care one bit about anything that goes on in his life and then I looked at the clock at it was 10:05 and he was still sleeping so I said fuck it and went to class. Then I got back from class at 3:30 and my room was dark and I was about to throw a book at him and tell him to wake the fuck up until I realized he was just watching anime cartoons and eating goldfish out of the bag (not even pouring a few on his desk) with the blinds closed to the point where it's like pitch black but also 110 degrees of smoldering bed sheets and cheese fingers. I almost gagged.

He is in my chemistry class and I really don't know if he's aware of the midterm that we have tomorrow. I hope he doesn't wake up just so he can fail out this school and leave me with a peaceful single room. Then anytime you guys want to come and kick it, I have a free bed. You just have to bring your own sheets, and maybe your own mattress. After all my roomie's been lying in it for 15 weeks now like he was dying on it.

Hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable weekend. I think this weekend I'm leaning a little more towards the enjoyable side. Peace

Happy 24th Baby Boy

More substantial post to come, I swear. I just wanted to quick shout out my boy Eric for having this blog on his RSS feed because it's that important. He just turned 24 so he's officially a man now in my book, even though I feel like if you were there the day I got my first pubic hair and asked me if I wanted a cold beer, that would make you a man. I don't know if it happened exactly like that, but E-rock, this goes out to you.

Midterms start this week, I just slaved over a job application for the summer up here at UCSB and me and some people signed a lease for a spot to live next year. It's gonna get hectic. To make it easier since some people have been asking, here is where it is. And no, you can't stay for halloween.



and not to bitch anymore but roomie is still doing what he does best. Absolutely nothing. Apparently he is in my chemistry class, but I wouldn't know that because he has never gone to it, not even last friday when we had a quiz. that the teacher sent emails about. I was going to start a tally of how many days he goes to class vs how many days he ditches, but it probably would have been too depressing. Plus I don't know if he actually goes to class when he leaves the building, my guess is that he's just sitting inside his car wacking off to the leather seats that 19 grand got him. It's almost nostalgic to think back to the first week of school and he was telling anyone who would listen that he "Needs a job because he's so used to working 40 hours a week" and that if he's not working he just doesn't know what to do with himself...You think he could at least find time to shave the face pubes more than once a month. And as I've said previously how I hate the stupid, demeaning t shirts he wears with the stretched out collars (because he sleeps in them, not because he has a beef brisket neck), someone really needs to buy him this shirt, it would just complete the whole useless thing he's got going on...



You're not going to enjoy it when you wake up one day after falling asleep with a box of oreos on your chest and you can't get your fat ass up because you ate yourself immobile and you're just stuck to the mattress because you wanted to save money and not buy a matress pad so you could get the 6 speaker upgrade in your car so that when you drive me to school euro trance sounds like it's bumping from inside my head. When don't you just go wake up at noon everyday even though you have class at 9 three days a week, and leave the window and blinds closed while you're at it so when I come home it smells like someone set off an explosion of BO in my room. And you can't smell it because you have a stuffy nose because you're just perpetually sick due to the fact that you have no immune system because you haven't been outside in 3 years and every disease that your body has learned to fight off has gotten stronger and that's why you shut all the doors. Because having friendships can be fun, but they can also get you sick.

This my life, my existence.



Thats a crosshair on the screen back there. If you look in my eyes you can see a little piece of me dying too, you gotta look close though

Goodnight guys.

So basically 17 units doesn't let up, that's why I haven't been on here as of late. Plus my hard drive decided to say "fuck you" while I was backing all my files up and so I had to start from scratch. Other than that life is good up in Santa Barbara, but room 1214 is still shitty (that's my room). This week I had this cough that just lingered and lingered and I felt like an asshole sitting in my discussion section listening to people talk about the importance of gender in chicana history while I hacked and wretched over their opinions. I feel like I might have caught the bug from this weekend, which was 3 days long, props to MLK (and jose cuervo). Mommy says I should lay low this weekend which I'll probably do, but you never really know how the weekend pans out till it's here. Me and my homies got a place to live next year so I kind of have to pop open the bottle of patron...

In shittier news, I woke up on monday and saw that it was pouring outside. Worse than it has ever rained in L.A. Oh, whats that? You don't believe me?



That's god being like "Yeah, I'm gonna piss on you all week"

Don't even make me break out the doppler snap shot, it's just depressing. Moms told me we got 4.5 inches yesterday alone. You know what though? Ain't all bad, I swear girls still find ways to wear booty shorts, they just don't let up.

Back to the matter at hand though, my boy, my roomie, my road dog. He started playing music while he kills people online and it's all off his iTunes. Now I know not everyone can be rocking 45XX songs of various genres like yours truly, but this dude literally has (excluding every system of a down album ever made) 10 songs in his iTunes, and they're all mad random. You ready?

Rihanna - Don't stop the music
Daft Punk - Technologic
Ok Go - Here it goes
Men without hats - safety dance
Cascada - Everytime we touch

Okay so I lied about there being 10, there's only 5. The best part is that he puts it on shuffle, but like, that doesn't do anything when you're only working with 5 songs.

I'mma get back to this over the weekend, it's half past midnight and I have a chem test tomorrow morning at 9 in the AM. Before I leave though I'll leave you with this anecdote and a few pictures from the weekend. So the weekend before last was just a random weekend in IV where me and the homies had some drinks and wandered around looking for house parties. We rolled up on one that was pretty, shall I say, "crackin". Long story short, I end up dancing with this shorty (homegirl was like 4'11", I put that on my momma) who is challenged in the balance department. I know I wasn't that drunk but she had me stumbling all over the place. I just decide to post up on a speaker so I dont have to worry about looking sloppy, plus I can give my legs a little rest. I don't know if we were dancing for a long time, or if she was just grinding me up against the speaker extra hard or what but I'll tell you, when I woke up in the morning, I had 2 big raw spots on either one of my ass cheeks. I tried to take a shower and they burned. The next day they got all scabbed up but my shit still hurt. She told me she goes to USC so I'll probably never see her again, but when I do, I'mma get 'er back. and that's real. Here's the pics....



Keystone and a random beezy





When the roommate is away.....

basically we gonna have a party in my room, bottomline

Actually that's all the pics I have for now. Enjoy. Peace

If it's not one thing, it's another...

Merry 2008 peoples. I'll be without a computer for the next week as my macbook goes out to Cutino CA or where ever Apple is located for a replacement hard drive...Yup, hard drive went caput. I wanna be mad at apple, but it ain't their fault. I guess I just want to be mad at something.

Oh hey what do you know? I moved back in with my roommate! There's something to be mad about! After 3 peaceful weeks at home I moved back into our slighty renovated and newly named dorm, "The Santa Catalina Ocean Towers". I suppose "Fuck Towers" wasn't a very endearing nickname for F.T....It's too bad too, this place is gonna suck now. When was the last time a name change did something good? Puff Daddy was Golden. But P Diddy? More like P Shitty.

So back to the man of the hour. Did he have a good break? I don't know, I really don't care. I don't talk to this guy and he don't talk to me. I'd have it no other way. I'm beginning to suspect that his new years resolution was something about giving up the World 'o Warcraft and doing something productive with his life. Well I guess he succeeded, Warcraft is gone. But of course that's only because he got some other game that will get all his attention and suck all the decency and humanity and priveldge out of this turd. Call of Duty 4 is the name of the game. He doesn't really play games though, he lives them. As of 9:51 PM tonight, he is on (according to my unofficial mental clock) hour 6 of his marathon session. I just sit here in bed on the homie's laptop while I watch this skeleton skinny lump squint and bug out his eyes as if to get inside the television and during respawns he wipes his finger inside a near empty pudding cup. Sorry buddy, but Jello didn't hide salvation in the bottom of that cup.

Last night he was on another tour of duty for god knows how long, I attempted to go to sleep around midnight. The haziness that ensued somewhere between being awake and passing out was broken up intermiteently by exclamations such as "Code Blue!", "They're flanking!" and "That noob is a puss!" It sounded like german troops were storming my dorm room, air strikes and all. At a quarter to two I told him to call it quits, I was feeling sick and I think it was the xbox live that was doing it to me. He managed to get up for class at 8 am too, although I shouldn't really be too surprised - his "time in bed" quota is way past complete, I'm surprised this guy doesn't run around during the night when everyone is asleep.

I'm about to get my life straightened out and hit the sheets but I'll leave you with this. Roomie managed to hobble himself down to the dining hall today (I don't know if he actually hobbles, I'm just guessing, I've never seen him take more than 5 paces) and bring back A HALF A BOX OF COOKIES from the dining hall. No joke, just stacked up on his desk like pringles. I guess a good soldier needs to stay fed!