New and Improved: With Pictures

What up fam. I don't know where I'm going with this one, I just know I have some stores to tell and some pictures to post. Last week was a standard 5 day week but it felt like it dragged on forever. So then the weekend came and I had a few natural lights and kicked it and slept late and all that good stuff. I went out last night with Gordon and these two girls, but we lost him real early in the night. I'm talking like 5 minutes after we entered the party. The girls felt bad and wanted to find him, but they just don't understand the inner workings of mantank, I was happy he left us. Just to be sure though, I called him up and in his slurred vernacular he told me "I'm going back to ft with this chick...I'm bout to fuuuck". I felt bad for the poor girl who had fallen at the hands of Gordo's huge rack and his baby gap tee. But then again, who wouldn't wanna bone this dude?





The second picture is one of those pictures you save and show your grand kids and tell em how you lived in the same house with that dude. He was so excited about the 90 dollars worth of alcohol he bought that he asked me if I would take a picture of him with it. When I told him it was hard to frame the shot, he just went into a pushup position without me even asking. Yeah, that's the dude you wanna bone on a friday night.

I told you that my roommate began his job as a CSO. Of course I did, I was so excited that was going to be out of the room for more then 30 seconds at a time. The first night was sweet because he just left at 10 pm and didn't come back until 3 am. I was almost starting to like CSOs, but not really at all. Then the next night He neglected to tell me that he in fact when ON duty at 3 am. So his alarm went off at 2:30 and I'm all whacked out because I don't know if I have class in 20 minutes because the blinds are always closed anyways so you can't ever tell when time it is and then I look up and he's like saying bye to his online buddies and my head is about to explode because I don't know why anyone would be depriving themselves of sleep just to play an RPG. Last night I talk to him, but that was just because I was leaned off a few drinks and I didn't care, and I wanted some entenmanns donut holes that he bought. Don't think I'm depriving him of nutrition, believe me, he had plenty to eat...



I'm not hungover or anything, but looking at that picturre makes me want to yack, right now. That's two boxes of entenmann's donut holes, a monster (plus a few more cans on his desk), a big bag of cinnamon gummibears and 2 big packages of kit kats, like so big I don't know where he got these joints. The monster thing is quite weird to me but I suppose I don't need to even point out the blatant irony that comes with a recluse, computer game playing, lying under the covers tv watcher who downs monsters right before he brushes his teeth. I'll leave the witty satire to you guys. Now, me and my roomie may have differing opinions about what exactly qualifies as a fun Friday night; but I woke up this morning and found this....



DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNNNN. I thought waking up to a room full of empty beer cans and condom wrappers was crazy but fuck, when this guy gets down he GETS THE FUCK DOWN, word to james brown rip. It's like he's just eating all this stuff and telling all those morbidly obese people who can't get out of their beds, "Hey, I have a high metabolism so fuck you! I'm gonna eat my self in an extremely high bloodsugar induced coma because the weight certainly isn't getting packed on!!!" I suppose you need 192 grams of fat and almost 2 days worth of calories in the form of butter and sugar to give you the energy needed for a 5 hour long night of work. A night which consists of walking drunk people home and listening to them blab, then patrolling a few residence halls and telling people to keep it down, and then of course getting angry when you see an illegally parked bike and realize all you can really do is put a sticky note that says you bike is illegally parked. Because afterall, how are you going to impound a bike when the only way you can get around is to bike yourself? This guys middle name should be irony. And my middle name should be hungry, because that's what I am. Hope you enjoyed our time together, catch you later. Peace