So I realize I write in this blog about how much my roommate sucks and how redundant his lifestyle is but I forgot to mention how much this blog sucks and how redundant it all sounds. My roommate had class today from 12-1 and then from 2-3:15 and slept through all of em. He played this horrifically violent and realistic first person shooter game on the 360 for most of the day and I had to bear the cries of waves of Nazi's as he mowed them down with his WWII era sniper semi auto. Now he's watching sci fi channel, eating twizzlers and washing them down with a squirt.
I can't really be mad at him for sleeping through all of his classes though, get this. At 2:45 last night the fire alarm went off in our building. It wakes you up with strobe lights in the hallway and this blaring alarm that they can probably hear on campus. I hop out of bed, look down the hall to a bunch of people half asleep looking out their doors like "Do we really need to do this?" I mean, afterall there was no imminent danger, no fire ala "Backdraft", nothing. But we all get dressed in 12 seconds and walk into the parking lot. This scene is epic I must admit. 600 kids, vacating one tower, everyone is half asleep and all literally got dressed in the dark. Everyone is pissed off and wearing booty shorts with the biggest parka they could find because it's like 50 degrees out. Luckily the homegirl brought down the keys to her car so we sat in there and laughed at everyone on the outside. I know I should have been angered and dead tired but the situation is just hilarious to me and so I couldn't help but crack jokes for 20 minutes until the fire truck showed up. It's like this big show, everyone comes outside, waits for the fire truck to pull up with all it's lights going off to give the clear and then we can all go back in and go to sleep.
So I got back into bed at like 330 and went to sleep at some point. By roommate went into fucking CSO mode and was walking around the parking lot with a flashlight just incase the sun goes out. He's all talking to the CSOs and trying to tell people shit when he forgets the golden rule. We don't take your shit when you're wearing your yellow polo, we sure as hell don't listen when you're wearing an OC Choppers hoody and some starter basketball shorts. Plus since this bitch is nocturnal he figures since he's awake it'd be a perfect time to go get a sandwich. This dude just posts and eats his sandwich in the middle of the night since he didn't want to go to sleep anyways. Long story short, I get woken up again at 5 o clock in the morning because the nuclear holocaust, chernobyl worthy alarm goes off again and everyone once again vacates into the parking lot. I was in a goofier mood simply because everyone else was even more pissed off and I was ready to throw in the towel on sleeping period because I was more awake than ever and the dining hall opened in 2 hours and I figured there must be some party still raging from the night before...I got back to sleep eventually and woke up in foul condition. I feel better now that I've gone to my classes though.
Back to the situation at hand though, dude is just chillin under the covers with the blinds half closed to avoid direct sunlight. I need to slip him some vitamin D pills (right? Sunlight deficiency?). I'm going to eat because I'm starving. Peace.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Fuck My Life Part 2
My laundry is done in 29 minutes so here goes nothing. Right now it's 1 o clock and my roommate went back to sleep, yeah, like again. Let's see how it all started shall we?
Last night I was hanging out at the front desk because two friends of mine were working from 10-2 am so I thought I'd keep em company. I basically ended up working the entire shift without pay but whatever, I don't really care that much. Around 1230 AM this black lady comes to the front of the building and is just standing there with some puppy dog eyes. Doors lock after 10 so I opened it for her to ask if she needed anything. She walks up to the front desk and with this dead ass stare on her face says to us "Okay, I need to ask you guys something but you need to promise you won't laugh alright? Okay...where am I?" We tell her she's in Goleta California which is right outside Santa Barbara. I don't want to go through a whole mess of dialogue but when it comes down to it, this woman was trying to get from Gilroy to her house in Fresno:
Exhibit A
This is where she actually went..
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNNN
I printed her out how to get back to her house but I just felt so bad, she said "That's what happens when you let a man drive! Go Girl!! Anyways, yeah she was a good 4 hours or more away from home and it was already almost 1 AM. Then I somehow brought up the fact that the beach was only a 10 minute walk and her eyes lit up like "Did you say the beach? There's a beach over here?" And I told her yeah and then said "Umm, excuse me, have you ever seen the beach?" And she was just in awe like "Nahhhh!!" I need to stay over night to see this!! Then she asked me where she could get a camera to show her friends and she got on the phone with her auntie talking about "Where my kids at" and I just wanted to crack up in laughter but I couldn't because I honestly felt so so bad. Plus I also heard her saying "When I get back to the car I'mma cut this nigga!" That freaked me out a little bit, I'm not gonna lie.
That was that, ended up crashing closer to two, much later than I expected. Then my roommate came home from "duty" (Without quotes just makes it sound like a job, it's more like boy scout camp) at 3 am and woke me up. Then I thought the sun had come out and it was morning already but instead he had just turned on the TV, when he realized he had woke me up he turned it off and then proceeded to start eating. This guy ate for like 20 minutes, just sat up in bed and started munching in pitch blackness. It was absolutely repulsive, I'm trying to sleep and all I can hear is him reaching into the gallon of bgoldfish box, getting some, and then crunching them around in his disease ridden mouth for a while before dumping the rest of the box down his pie hole. I think he finished em or maybe he just got tired because then he moved on to tortilla chip, his selected snack lately. He's been doing the chips and salsa thing all day now, with the thing of salsa just sitting on his chest, ewww.. So he's digging through this bag of chips at 3:30 in the god forsaken morning and all I can hear is him crunching away and the inside of my head is about to explode. For the first time in my life I actually felt full fledged anger. I couldn't do anything, everyone was asleep, I can't sleep in the study room, I don't know the people working at the desk, I'm tired, he's closed the window so I'm burning up and I have to hear him munching n chips. I was about ready to punch a hole in the wall. People ask why I never do anything to him, or ask him to change, and it's because I'm just a nonconfrontational person. I'd rather let it blow over than deal with it. I haven't talked to him in over 2 weeks so why should I start now right? But for that one moment, at 330 AM last night I was ready to get out of bed, walk over to him and bash his head in. I ended up falling asleep and then got woken up by his alarm at 8 o clock that went off 5 snooze cycles until he decided today wasn't the day to go to class.....WOWWWWWW.
Now it's 1:15 in the afternoon, my laundry is about done and I'm typing this in a pitch black room even though it's clear as day outside and as beautiful as christina milian in love don't cost a thing. Instead of playing some nice music and relaxing on a gorgeous day, I'm venting while the thing that I live with is curled up on his fucked up bed that looks like it came back as a movie prop from schindlers list, blinds closed, eyes closed just sleeping away the rest of the day. If anyone still reads this blog, is this fair at all? I feel terrible that my mother pays money for me to live in these dorms when I can't even live decently, I love this school I just hate the dude I share with.
The guy I was talking to last night at the desk is the homie, and I'm living with him over the summer. I explained all my problems with this guy and he was just like "This summer is gonna be so good, that you're gonna forget all the bullshit that came with having a roommate freshman year" And that's real. Peace
Edit: Dude just woke up at 4 PM because I just came into to fold my laundry. He propped himself up, turned on star trek and started eating gold fish without changing into new clothes, taking a shower, washing his face, brushing his teeth, anything. It's getting old though and I imagine anyone reading this blog is getting bored of me saying the same thing. He's like a broken record, how many times can you just sit, watch star trek, eat goldfish and guzzle a Barqs?! I think it's more than just how gross he is, it's the redundancy of his life that repulses me.
Last night I was hanging out at the front desk because two friends of mine were working from 10-2 am so I thought I'd keep em company. I basically ended up working the entire shift without pay but whatever, I don't really care that much. Around 1230 AM this black lady comes to the front of the building and is just standing there with some puppy dog eyes. Doors lock after 10 so I opened it for her to ask if she needed anything. She walks up to the front desk and with this dead ass stare on her face says to us "Okay, I need to ask you guys something but you need to promise you won't laugh alright? Okay...where am I?" We tell her she's in Goleta California which is right outside Santa Barbara. I don't want to go through a whole mess of dialogue but when it comes down to it, this woman was trying to get from Gilroy to her house in Fresno:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMNNNNNNN
I printed her out how to get back to her house but I just felt so bad, she said "That's what happens when you let a man drive! Go Girl!! Anyways, yeah she was a good 4 hours or more away from home and it was already almost 1 AM. Then I somehow brought up the fact that the beach was only a 10 minute walk and her eyes lit up like "Did you say the beach? There's a beach over here?" And I told her yeah and then said "Umm, excuse me, have you ever seen the beach?" And she was just in awe like "Nahhhh!!" I need to stay over night to see this!! Then she asked me where she could get a camera to show her friends and she got on the phone with her auntie talking about "Where my kids at" and I just wanted to crack up in laughter but I couldn't because I honestly felt so so bad. Plus I also heard her saying "When I get back to the car I'mma cut this nigga!" That freaked me out a little bit, I'm not gonna lie.
That was that, ended up crashing closer to two, much later than I expected. Then my roommate came home from "duty" (Without quotes just makes it sound like a job, it's more like boy scout camp) at 3 am and woke me up. Then I thought the sun had come out and it was morning already but instead he had just turned on the TV, when he realized he had woke me up he turned it off and then proceeded to start eating. This guy ate for like 20 minutes, just sat up in bed and started munching in pitch blackness. It was absolutely repulsive, I'm trying to sleep and all I can hear is him reaching into the gallon of bgoldfish box, getting some, and then crunching them around in his disease ridden mouth for a while before dumping the rest of the box down his pie hole. I think he finished em or maybe he just got tired because then he moved on to tortilla chip, his selected snack lately. He's been doing the chips and salsa thing all day now, with the thing of salsa just sitting on his chest, ewww.. So he's digging through this bag of chips at 3:30 in the god forsaken morning and all I can hear is him crunching away and the inside of my head is about to explode. For the first time in my life I actually felt full fledged anger. I couldn't do anything, everyone was asleep, I can't sleep in the study room, I don't know the people working at the desk, I'm tired, he's closed the window so I'm burning up and I have to hear him munching n chips. I was about ready to punch a hole in the wall. People ask why I never do anything to him, or ask him to change, and it's because I'm just a nonconfrontational person. I'd rather let it blow over than deal with it. I haven't talked to him in over 2 weeks so why should I start now right? But for that one moment, at 330 AM last night I was ready to get out of bed, walk over to him and bash his head in. I ended up falling asleep and then got woken up by his alarm at 8 o clock that went off 5 snooze cycles until he decided today wasn't the day to go to class.....WOWWWWWW.
Now it's 1:15 in the afternoon, my laundry is about done and I'm typing this in a pitch black room even though it's clear as day outside and as beautiful as christina milian in love don't cost a thing. Instead of playing some nice music and relaxing on a gorgeous day, I'm venting while the thing that I live with is curled up on his fucked up bed that looks like it came back as a movie prop from schindlers list, blinds closed, eyes closed just sleeping away the rest of the day. If anyone still reads this blog, is this fair at all? I feel terrible that my mother pays money for me to live in these dorms when I can't even live decently, I love this school I just hate the dude I share with.
The guy I was talking to last night at the desk is the homie, and I'm living with him over the summer. I explained all my problems with this guy and he was just like "This summer is gonna be so good, that you're gonna forget all the bullshit that came with having a roommate freshman year" And that's real. Peace
Edit: Dude just woke up at 4 PM because I just came into to fold my laundry. He propped himself up, turned on star trek and started eating gold fish without changing into new clothes, taking a shower, washing his face, brushing his teeth, anything. It's getting old though and I imagine anyone reading this blog is getting bored of me saying the same thing. He's like a broken record, how many times can you just sit, watch star trek, eat goldfish and guzzle a Barqs?! I think it's more than just how gross he is, it's the redundancy of his life that repulses me.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Fuck My Life
It's been a month since I've touched this thing and I honestly can't tell you why I'm sitting here typing up a big load of crap. I've been meaning to update this blog for a while but every time I thought about doing it I just got angry and went outside to lay by the pool, or I remembered that nobody reads it anyways so why the hell am I wasting my time. At the end of this school year I'm probably going to be so fed up with everything I was just put through that I'll just delete it and pretend it all never happened.
So here I am, it's a quarter to nine in the PM and I'm typing this to you in the dark. I had a friend visit this weekend but she didn't get to meet my roommate because he was asleep every time she came by. Yesterday it was 88 degrees outside and there were no vacant lounge chairs at the pool because half of FT had gotten drunk and brought a raft down. My roommate slept until 3 30 PM. I'm all for sleeping, but he literally woke up, rolled over to his computer, starting playing a game and then 2 hours later rolled back onto his bed to watch star wars and one of it's sequels while eating tortilla chips. Speaking of eating, I think he's finally getting fat. His face looks like it's filling out, but it might just be because of the jesus beard. I also say he's getting fat because only in the last week or so has he started to snore. Last weekend it was so bad that I had a pillow over my head and it still sounded like he was snoring in my head. I left the room to see if anyone was around to hear it but everyone was asleep. I went back to my door and I stopped to listen in because I could hear him through my door. It was like being in hell. SO I did was any self respecting man would do and I came back in the room, flicked the lights real quick, and banged around till he woke up and all was solved....till he started again at 8 in the morning. He also snores like a castrated animal, it's really high pitched and a little faint and then it just hits you like wham. This morning he was doing it and all I could do was yell "Shut the fuck upppppp" because it was that bad. I sat up and realized why he was snoring though, it's because he's asleep on his back with his hands folded behind his head. Like you would be doing if you were chilling on a beach towel or something, what a piece of shit right?
Next I got this problem with the windows because he's always sleeping and his bed is pushed up right in front of em so he's kind of like master in command of the windows, or the window guardian or something. Last night I got home a little inebriated and hot so I open the windows to get a nice breeze and I feel really good as I fall into my slumber. Only shit is that roomie gets off work at 5 am and when he comes home he closes them shits up proper so I wake up all parched and burning up because our room is like a sauna and the blackout shades are absorbing the 85 degree sun rays, plus it's black as hell in the room and i just want to go into the pool but the sunlight isnt too friendly to the remnants of Olde English still in my system from last night...Now it's 9:15 and this guy has been asleep since 6 or 7 even though he woke up from last night at 2. Basically he's been up for 4 hours the whole day and he left the windows open and it's cold as shit but I can't do anything about it because fixing the situation would mean I have to get on his bed and close them shits up, and I'm trying to stay as far away as possible from him and his bed. I have one question though, when you go to sleep at 7 PM and don't wake up until 10 PM, how do you know when to go to bed again? His day is so fucked up, he hasn't showered, hasn't brushed his teeth, hasn't eaten anything but some tortilla chips and a squirt and hasn't changed out of the clothes he went to sleep in last night. Plus, he started this new thing where he's like clearing his throat or something and it just sounds like he's spitting loogies in his mouth over and over again and he does it for minutes at a time. I don't want to hear that shit, take it to the bathroom if you ever use it ever in your life. FUck, I'm going to sleep, I'm so fed up cause dude ruined my weekend. God, it was amazing though, this school tops anything I've ever seen. And yes, drinking on the beach is legal FYI.
So here I am, it's a quarter to nine in the PM and I'm typing this to you in the dark. I had a friend visit this weekend but she didn't get to meet my roommate because he was asleep every time she came by. Yesterday it was 88 degrees outside and there were no vacant lounge chairs at the pool because half of FT had gotten drunk and brought a raft down. My roommate slept until 3 30 PM. I'm all for sleeping, but he literally woke up, rolled over to his computer, starting playing a game and then 2 hours later rolled back onto his bed to watch star wars and one of it's sequels while eating tortilla chips. Speaking of eating, I think he's finally getting fat. His face looks like it's filling out, but it might just be because of the jesus beard. I also say he's getting fat because only in the last week or so has he started to snore. Last weekend it was so bad that I had a pillow over my head and it still sounded like he was snoring in my head. I left the room to see if anyone was around to hear it but everyone was asleep. I went back to my door and I stopped to listen in because I could hear him through my door. It was like being in hell. SO I did was any self respecting man would do and I came back in the room, flicked the lights real quick, and banged around till he woke up and all was solved....till he started again at 8 in the morning. He also snores like a castrated animal, it's really high pitched and a little faint and then it just hits you like wham. This morning he was doing it and all I could do was yell "Shut the fuck upppppp" because it was that bad. I sat up and realized why he was snoring though, it's because he's asleep on his back with his hands folded behind his head. Like you would be doing if you were chilling on a beach towel or something, what a piece of shit right?
Next I got this problem with the windows because he's always sleeping and his bed is pushed up right in front of em so he's kind of like master in command of the windows, or the window guardian or something. Last night I got home a little inebriated and hot so I open the windows to get a nice breeze and I feel really good as I fall into my slumber. Only shit is that roomie gets off work at 5 am and when he comes home he closes them shits up proper so I wake up all parched and burning up because our room is like a sauna and the blackout shades are absorbing the 85 degree sun rays, plus it's black as hell in the room and i just want to go into the pool but the sunlight isnt too friendly to the remnants of Olde English still in my system from last night...Now it's 9:15 and this guy has been asleep since 6 or 7 even though he woke up from last night at 2. Basically he's been up for 4 hours the whole day and he left the windows open and it's cold as shit but I can't do anything about it because fixing the situation would mean I have to get on his bed and close them shits up, and I'm trying to stay as far away as possible from him and his bed. I have one question though, when you go to sleep at 7 PM and don't wake up until 10 PM, how do you know when to go to bed again? His day is so fucked up, he hasn't showered, hasn't brushed his teeth, hasn't eaten anything but some tortilla chips and a squirt and hasn't changed out of the clothes he went to sleep in last night. Plus, he started this new thing where he's like clearing his throat or something and it just sounds like he's spitting loogies in his mouth over and over again and he does it for minutes at a time. I don't want to hear that shit, take it to the bathroom if you ever use it ever in your life. FUck, I'm going to sleep, I'm so fed up cause dude ruined my weekend. God, it was amazing though, this school tops anything I've ever seen. And yes, drinking on the beach is legal FYI.
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