He's a busy man...

Last night I was thinking about writing on here again but I stopped myself because I don't want to be one of those bitches who runs to his blog everytime a thought pops in his head. I had class at 8 today which sucked, but it's not so bad because I get to come home and take a nap (which is BAWM). So I get back from breakfast around 10:45 (15 minutes before he gets back from class) and I find this gem on his keyboard.....I'd be a fool to pass this one up.



I remember his scribbling something at like 7:15 in the AM on a piece of paper, I had no idea he was capable of making gold at such an early hour. Let me break this apart real quick:

CSO meeting - My roomie is training to be a Community Service Officer. This means he gets paid to be a douchebag. Ever since he got the job and started training he's been on his high horse telling all his online buddies about how he had to get finger printed for a job and how he's working for the police. Son, I had to get finger printed too, and I babysat 8 year olds. The job consists of walking around the dorms and busting people for drinking or telling them to turn their music down. If it's not that then he's getting calls to walk people home from Isla Vista because they're too drunk or they are girls who figure they are targets for sexual harassment (maybe you shouldn't have gone to that party in just a bra and heels? Oh excuse me, just because you dress that way... shut up!!). Considering dude is too lazy to walk the 50 paces it takes to get to the dining hall, I don't know how he's going to cover the miles he'll walk in IV attending to drunkards, especially at an hour that is prime WoW time (World of Warcraft, act like you know). He is so lazy that he was bummed to find out being a CSO would not grant him permission for an on campus parking permit. Yes you live off campus. No you can't waste gas and park on a school lot when you live less than a mile away. You have legs, and although they maybe gelatinous and and useful only for connecting your feet to the rest of your body, you need to use them. I walked more than you the day after I learned how to walk. Yeah, I was a motoring son of a bitch.

Check homework - What is the point of checking your homework if you never do it. I honestly didn't even know the kid had an econ class. Unless he only does his homework when I'm in the bathroom or when I'm blinking, I don't know how he handles his shit. I'm not even in the bathroom for more than like 5 minutes at a time anyways.

Buy bike - ....uhhhhhh

Arrange stuff with...Jew? - Yeah so like when you write notes to yourself, sometimes you shorthand or you write little reminds to keep track of your stuff. That does mean you have to go and be all antisemitic about shit. Just because you want to keep god in schools doesn't mean you have to refer to your friend jew. I'm gonna refer to you as honkydouche, that's not derogatory, is it?

Go Running - How about you go walking? or go standing first? Baby steps my friend....Oh wait, you put a question mark after it....good thinking. Yeah, it's probably not going to happen.

I'll tell you, I hate blogging, but it's like when the sergeant gives you ammo you just hafta fire. I also came home to find this....




Well strictly by that picture alone I can make out a pizza box, a box of breadsticks, an empty case of water and two cream soda cans. I hope to god he's not waiting for me to take out the trash considering I throw away like one piece of paper a week. Oh nevermind, cleaning people are coming tomorrow. They'll take care of it. Atleast he recycles....

Pizza #1

While I wrote my initial expose only hours ago, I knew I left out my boy's eating habits. See I figured I'd get there eventually, but dude surprised me when I came home from the UCSB vs. U of Washington soccer game. He was sitting on his bed watching TV (that's not the surprise), and chillin in front of him was a monster dominos pizza box. I knew what was about to happen so I went to play some pong while he ate it because it's just too repulsive to watch. I fear I'm going to wake up one day and there's going to be a big piece of pizza where my roommate once was. Needless to say, this dude eats a lot of pizza. I labeled this entry as so to help keep track of just how much cheese pie he actually consumes. The results will startle you.

Okay, so I heard through the grapevine he has 19 meals a week in the dining hall which corresponds to one meal for everytime the dining hall is open. That's a shitload. I personally can't even imagine eating that much food. Either this dude doesn't enjoy eating on a regular schedule (apparently he doesn't like doing anything on a regular schedule?) or he just really likes himself some fast food. But that's all too simple. He just bought a brand new car that he loves (even though dude can't drive stick for his life), there's restaurants all over the place within 5 minutes of driving and yet he still insists on ordering Dominos and having it delivered. I have come to the conclusion that he eats like one big meal every few days, like a how a camel drinks and stores water. The only difference is that camels actually have a purpose.

Anywhoo, everytime he gets pizza he orders a large pizza and an order of cinnabread for himself, not because he can eat that much, but because he gets a deal on it. I thought this guy was a genius? Even if you are getting more food for cheap, what good does it do if you can't eat it all? And then he sticks like 2 unwrapped slices of pizza in my fridge and my fucking apples smell like pepperroni. fuck.

Now he's watching this vanessa carlton video on the internet. He wanted to show it to some people who were in the room because he was in it. Normally I'd be interested. But no. The sad part is that he's obnoxious and everyone left the room because nobody cares and now he's just watching it by himself. Sometimes I want to cry because it hurts. It just hurts so bad.

Good Morning...or afternoon

Today is the day I start blogging. See I'm not one for blogs, in fact I can't even believe I went through the process of registering and coming up with a silly little url and all that shit. But I felt that at this point I needed a way to get it all out.

See, I've been at school for almost 9 weeks now. It took me less than one to realize I live with a complete anomaly of the human race. Dude sleeps/spends more time in bed than he does sitting or standing. The only time he leaves the room is to go to the bathroom, which is connected to our room so I don't know if that really counts. Basically, dude is the laziest person I've ever met, ever. That's not called redundancy right there, that's called reinforcement.

I'd really love to introduce the guy, but I fear if I use real names, places of residence etc etc I might catch heat for this one. Let me just say he's not from around here. Although he says he is from california, I can't help but doubt him. Dude is from another planet.

So anyways, I decided to make this blog while I was riding the bus home for like the 5 minutes that it takes to get here from campus. I was just thinking about the inane amount of time I spend thinking about how much he doesn't do and thought I might as well write it down so atleast it all ends up somewhere. I left for school at 830 AM. My roomie has the same schedule as I do, and so you're probably thinking that he left for class around that time too. That's where you're wrong. See going to class would just make too much sense. I come back home at around 3:30 to find this bitch eating a bag of pretzels with the lights off under his sheepskin blanket watching Star Trek. Unfortunately, I haven't been home all day like he has and therefore cannot tell you exactly how he spent the time that I was out of the room. I can give you a rough estimate however:

He slept till 11, at the earliest.
Did not take a shower.
Played an MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game)
Got back in bed.

That's it. That's all there is to it.

My roommate is a self proclaimed genius. He introduced himself by stating his name, and that's he is already two years ahead (academically) of everyone else who lives on my floor. He has however, the social capacity of my unborn child, thankfully my unborn child isn't an arrogant jerkoff. He wears shirts that say stupid shit like "Genius by birth. Slacker by choice." If I saw that in a magazine I'd say to my self, "Wow, that's a pretty dumb shirt, I can't believe someone wasted cotton and ink making something so dumb." Then when I see someone like my roommate wearing it I think, "Wow, it's not that dumb anymore, this guy is just a fucking douchebag" The more I think about this self proclaimed genius though, I begin to think that maybe he is so much smarter than the rest of us that he doesn't even have to work. He just watches hours of mindless TV and rolls the secret to life around in his head. I always thought college was about deadlines, and work and stress and drinking. Yet dude has not seen any 1 thing from that list while in school. He has figured out how to beat the system, dude might be taking a few years off his life by drinking cream soda and eating microwave popcorn on the daily, but at least he is enjoying every moment he hasn't shaved off his age expectancy.

I'd explain everything that has happened prior to this incident, but it would just take too much time. It would probably bore you guys to death too. I forgot to mention this blog isn't so much for your entertainment as it is for maintaining my sanity. I doubt any body will even read down this far, if you have, congratulations. Sorry but I have no consolation prize for making it this far. I honestly don't care if people read this, I'll probably just look back on it at the end of the year and laugh. Or cry, because I spent so much free time of my freshman year in college chronicling the (in)activity of the turd that the share a room with. Yeah, Turd.

For the record, I hate blogs. I enjoy reading them every now and then but just how self absorbed does someone have to be to advertise their personal diary to the world. Maybe I never had one of these because my life just isn't that cool. That's why I've decided to write about someone else whose life infinitely more interesting....to watch. I'm sure dude is bored out of his mind on the daily but he keeps me wondering just where the ultimate limit of inactivity lies.